This is a journal that I started writing after having surgery, a horrendous stay in the hospital, months of pain and confusion. Some of the words are cries for help during the first several months following the surgery and some are simply words scattered about hoping to take root, perhaps producing something of beauty in appreciation of the small moments of calm, moments of introspection. Please read this with empathy since very ill people need to be greeted with a smile, a soft touch and hope. A hope, a wish that life is truly a gift; a gift that was returned to me after many months of feeling completely lost. I have returned but in the process I find that I am no longer the old me, yes I am older but I feel as if I've been turned inside out, basted over a roaring fire and a few singe marks still remain. For the first time I find that I am facing my mortality but haven't completely accepted it. I love life too much to acknowledge death I want to start by telling about my stay in the hospital. This, of course, will be continued by more words, conveying pain, hope, some humor and much introspection, contemplation and musing.

Helen Lewison